


The Trials of Heteronormativity

by TheDoctorIsIcecube



Series: Breath of the Wild University AU [1]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, Friendship, Gay, Gen, Heteronormativity, Mute Link, Nonbinary Sheik, Sheik is not Zelda, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 23:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorIsIcecube/pseuds/TheDoctorIsIcecube
Summary: “I always book things under Paya’s name just in case. She was fuming a bit really, because this man came up to hit on me while we were eating together. We were holding hands, Link.”-Link and Zelda moan about the greatest danger known to humanity: straight people.





	

“I hate straight people so much,” Zelda said with a groan, flopping down on the grass next to Link.

‘Same,’ he signed to her with a grin. ‘They’re always bad, but what brought this particular hatred about?’

“Their existence,” Zelda moaned. “They’re everywhere. I can’t escape them ever.”

‘Fair enough.’ Just looking out over the grassy field, he could see at least five straight couples. In reality, he didn’t have anything against them as long as they were decent people, but he would quite happily complain with Zelda. ‘They’re like some sort of plague. Did they do anything to you?’

“Exist,” Zelda said again with a smile. “I was on a date and someone asked us if we were sisters. It’s a tiny bit funny, but really? Paya is clearly the same age as me and not to mention she’s a Sheikah. It just doesn’t make sense and it grates.”

‘I suppose she could be your adopted sister.’ Link shrugged. ‘But if your famous family adopted a Sheikah, it would have been all over the news. Some people just can’t even consider the possibility that the dreaded gays actually exist, I suppose.’

“I don’t think people recognise me as his daughter anymore,” she said. “I always book things under Paya’s name just in case. She was fuming a bit really, because this man came up to hit on me while we were eating together. We were holding hands, Link.”

‘Best friends hold hands sometimes,’ Link signed with a grin. Zelda rolled her eyes, swatting him on the shoulder. ‘Except my best friends, because if they held my hands I couldn’t talk to them.’

“Remind me to do that next time I have to spend time with you,” she said. He just smiled at her again. “Have you been having straight people problems recently?”

‘Bozai told me that they’d be willing to have a threesome with me and his girlfriend. Again.’ He rolled his eyes. Apparently because he was attractive and queer it meant that he wanted to have sex with anyone.

“Oh, lovely.” Zelda pulled a face, then suddenly sat up straight, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “Next time he offers, you should say yes. And then bite him really hard where it hurts. If you can bite his whole dick off, bonus points.”

‘I would never do that to Sheik,’ he told her. Zelda just smiled at him. She knew he’d never do that to his partner, but he always liked to assert his commitment to them. ‘I’m not fickle like the straights.’

“Look at you, always waving your stable relationship in my face.” Zelda sighed. “One day I’ll find someone nice. I really think Paya might be that person, you know…she’s so sweet. If we go on many more dates without officially calling each other girlfriends, I think I might go mad. I’m just scared to ask her about it because she’s so shy.”

‘Wait, you’re not officially dating yet?’ Link looked at her in disbelief. Zelda really must like Paya if she hadn’t pushed her into accepting that they were in a relationship yet. ‘I swear you hold hands all the time and you bought her a Valentine’s Day present.’

“She bought me one as well.” Zelda lifted her wrist, showing off a pretty woven bracelet. “Actually, I think she made it herself… Either way, it’s lovely. I really should ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend. If I get around to it, you’ll be the first to know.”

‘Damn right I should be,’ Link signed. Zelda was his best friend other than Sheik and they shared a flat at the moment. They probably would next year, too. ‘Or maybe you should ask her to move in with us next year.’

“I might just do that. If I have to put up with you and Sheik, the two of you can deal with a couple of girls being gay.” Zelda smiled. “I think I might leave the ‘asking her to move in with me’ part for a little bit later, though, She might just freak out.”

‘She likes Sheik, I’m sure she’ll accept.’ Then again, everyone liked Sheik, and Link wasn’t just saying that because he was biased. Sheik was honestly the best person in the world and he loved them, but so did everyone else.

“We’ll see.” There were a few moments of companionable silence, and then Zelda spoke up again. “Well, this conversation has raised my gay levels back up to an acceptable point. Thank you for that.”

‘It has been my pleasure. Your gay levels will go up even more if you get yourself a girlfriend,’ he told her, and she stuck her tongue out at him. ‘You are so rude to me this must be homophobia.’

Zelda just laughed at him. “You’re ridiculous,” she said. “Do you want to go get an ice cream? I want a straight to ask us if we’re a couple so I can tell them that I’m gay.”

‘Sure. But you’re paying.’ Link got to his feet, bouncing on his toes as he waited for Zelda to do the same. ‘And you have to tell them I’m gay too.’

**Author's Note:**

> Bozai is the creepy sand boots dude in Gerudo Desert.
> 
> I should clarify that this is all in good fun! I have at least one straight friend. no heterophobia here


End file.
